there are no rules...

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about authenticity and struggling a little with how to best be myself and represent myself in this space.  Sometimes I impose a lot of rules on myself about what I should be writing about rather than what I want to be writing about. 

The thing is when I post less frequently here it's often not that there isn't much going on but rather a lot is happening and I don't know how to translate it in a way that feels authentic to me. That's been the case lately.  Between moving house, visiting my Dad in hospital in the lead up to him having a transplant, helping K’s family paint our old flat and working, I’ve hardly taken pause for breath, let alone be bothered to prepare good meals, or eat properly or take pictures of things.  

A few weeks back I was so tired that I'd go to say something and unintentional words or sentences would pop out instead. I told a cabbie I wanted to go to the Cross instead of the Rocks, which was confusing for all involved. The hypochondriac in me was beginning to envisage a tumour-like scenario but I think it was just lack of sleep and stress.

I tend to avoid writing about this sort of stuff, but in a way it's almost like I haven't really been honest with myself so perhaps being a bit more honest with you is a small step in the right direction. I have to admit that life is often a lot messier that it comes across here and that sometimes I fervently want to cultivate the kind of life I see on other blogs, a life that often feels illusive in the normal scheme of things.  

But... and it's an important but, I have gradually come to realise that there really are no rules about how to do things - whether it's baking or blogging or decorating or designing or taking pictures - you have to do what you like and what works for you, even if sometimes it seems a little odd. 

A few others who have been touching on the topic of authenticity lately: 
- Paul Graham on how to do what you love, especially this bit: 'Prestige … causes you to work not on what you like, but what you’d like to like.' 
- Brian's post about honesty and food really got me thinking about how much we style our lives for the camera, when the truth of it is often just as, if not more, compelling.
- Edits quarterly  is a new online publication of “short narratives in film and photography” which is  inspiring and beautiful.
- This lady knows how to express things beautifully too.

These and many other good things have been keeping me going during this strange period of time and I know things will get better. I'm looking forward to sharing more pictures of our place - moving has been like a spring clean to the head, let me tell you. Highly recommended.

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